Bishops Court: Setting Boundaries in Marriages

The June edition of the Bishops Court meeting was a double celebration day as it coincided with the birthday of the Senior Pastor of The Fountain of Life Church, Pastor Taiwo Odukoya.

Tackling the topic for the day which was Setting Boundaries in Marriages, with the main scripture taken from Ephesians 5:31-32, the Chairman of the Bishops Court Fellowship, Bro Seyi Sowemimo who took the teaching told the men that Marriage is about love and is also a mystery. Love is at the centre of marriage because as God is love. He also noted that marriage is the beautiful design of the Almighty, a great and sacred mystery— meant to be a vivid example of Christ and his church.

When talking about boundary setting, Bro Sowemimo stated that there are 2 factors to consider and they are freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree, then they are free in love, but in a case where there’s no freedom, there is fear. When one person takes too much responsibility within a relationship, the second person is not free.

He continued: “If you are not in control of yourself, it is nearly impossible to be in control of others. There needs to be a level of maturity in place”. He further noted that establishing boundaries also enhance intimacy between couples. This intimacy helps marriages to survive.

The men were also told to learn how to be emotionally honest with their spouses through communication. He also shared the following tips to employ during the boundary setting process.

– Be respectful, be honest.

– Don’t assume or guess

– Follow through on whatever you say.

– Take responsibility for your actions.

– Know when to end an argument.

Further guidelines shared were:

1. Law of sowing and reaping. When you do good, good comes back.
2. Law of responsibility. We are responsible to each other, but not for each other. Galatians 6:4,5.
3. Law of power: Power to change the conduct of our spouses. Power to confess horrible thoughts. Power to live a life worth copying. Power of respect. Power of saying NO.
4. Law of evaluation. In setting boundaries, make sure you are not causing unnecessary pain to your spouse.
5. Law of proactivity. Taking charge of situations before they get worse
6. Law of envy. Don’t desire what you can’t have. Envy shouldn’t be confused with desire. Desire is good.
7. Law of exposure. God designs boundaries to promote love and truth.
8. Law of activity. Active people make mistakes in their conduct while these mistakes help to grow.
9. Law of Intruders. Outside builds the inside. A spouse confiding in an outsider. The spouse takes part of their heart and gives it away. Triangulation betrays trust and fractures unions. Note. All good marriages need outside support such as counsellors.

Bro Sowemimo emphasised that boundaries need to be set and must not lead to divorce. These boundaries will help relationships grow. In conclusion, he said, “Let nothing stand in the way of full disclosure in marriage.”

Pastor Femi Megbope, in rounding up also added that the boundaries one sets determine who the person becomes. It determines the values by which we live. He added that just as important as knowing what the boundaries are, is enforcing those boundaries.