Marriage: Myths and Realities [Part Two]

Myth: In marriage, I will be complete

Reality: A couple is meant to complement and not complete each other. It is only in Christ Jesus that we are complete. Every human being is created whole in him/her self; as long as one is in Christ, he/she is complete in Him. God did not create any defective human being. As a matter of fact, His verdict after every creation was “…good.” And when He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, He remedied the situation by making a helpmeet for him. If you are not complete in yourself, it will be difficult, or even impossible, for you to be made complete by someone else. This is why we advise that every person seeking marriage should have taken care of some things in his/her life before embarking on this journey.

A woman who is not complete in Christ and confident in herself cannot complement a man, but would rather clash with him at all times because she will be looking for the wrong things in the marriage.

This presupposes that you need to work on yourself; work on your confidence and self-esteem, and be sure of whom you are in Christ before you venture into marriage. 

Myth: Marriage is a rite that everyone must perform.

Reality: The truth about this myth is that marriage is only for those who have decided and are ready to make a commitment to and take responsibility for another. It is worth mentioning that marriage is not for babies; it is for the mature. Marriage is not for people who have not mastered self-control, neither is it for those who have no Divine power to see a matter through to the end. 

Myth: Infidelity is peculiar to my marriage and it only happens to bad or weak people.

Reality: Infidelity can happen to any couple, and you can only guard against it by putting some boundaries in place and by staying diligent in the place of prayer. Anybody can be tempted, especially when they are not observing the checks that have been put in place by God to deal with and avoid such pitfalls. For instance, a couple that does not give quality time to the things of the Spirit, such as prayer, fellowship and Bible study is more likely to fall prey to this temptation than those who take care to observe them. That is why the Bible says, “Walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh”. (Galatians 5:16NKJV). 

Myth: Marriage gives happiness to those involved.

Reality: This is only true to an extent. A good marriage can complement your own individual happiness but it cannot be the primary source of it. It is said that happiness is of the soul, but joy is of the spirit. Happiness is a function of the circumstances around you; thus, when things are going well with you, you are happy, and when it is otherwise, you are sad. Joy, on the other hand, is a fruit of the spirit. Therefore, it remains with you, irrespective of your circumstances. 1 Peter 1:8 refers to it as ‘joy unspeakable’ and full of glory. It defies natural circumstances and understanding.

Those who enter marriage because they are looking for happiness are often disappointed and could end up with a worse situation than they had prior to marriage. If you desire perpetual joy, then the place to look for it is in Christ, through the ministry of the Holy Spirit.

Myth: Your marriage will not have problems as long as you are in love with one another.

Reality: This is perhaps the greatest myth about marriage and many young people have fallen prey to its lie. Love, the way we understand it, is never enough. Just as faith without works is dead, a good marriage does not just happen; it takes nurturing, commitment and hard work for it to succeed.

Every couple has to give what it takes to make their marriage work; the patience, longsuffering, respect, love, endurance, selflessness and all the other fruits of the Spirit. Love that is not nurtured will grow cold and, if care is not taken, will die permanently. That is the reason you find married couples who enter marriage with much love ending up as bitter enemies and hating one another so much a few years down the line.

Culled from

WOMAN FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

By Pastor Bimbo Odukoya

Available in bookstores nationwide